I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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