if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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