shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
