Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
