we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.