Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest