they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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