Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail