ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
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I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life