woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
worst night to have a conscience
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
