forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
