Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
