i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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