I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
