She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
