btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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