remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
