please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
