its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
