I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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