I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
