while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
