she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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