just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
