im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
