I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
