the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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