you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
