genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
