u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
