he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
