I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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