girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
