We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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