Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
