You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
