we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
