She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
