So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
