I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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