dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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