So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
