Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize