I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
