i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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