why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
