he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
