I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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