No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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