The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
