oh god the rape fog is back!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
