you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
