Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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