Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
