So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
