guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
