yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
