I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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