im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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