So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
