it hurts more in the daytime
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
