I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
