So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I smell stomach acid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
