I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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