Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There are leaves in my underwear?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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