Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize