I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
