im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
