At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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