meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
