Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I love having hate sex.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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