you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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