don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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