guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize