we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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