6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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