I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
