I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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