no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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