had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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