used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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