I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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