Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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